I took the very last final on a Friday. I felt like I could float away from the relief of it being over and have a full blessed month off before Spring semester began. L and I decided to celebrate and loaded up the kids and took them to Chuck E Cheese's. The kids needed to know we all got to celebrate together because we all have to make sacrifices as a family when school is going. Far less for them, for more for L and I, but still worthy of acknowledgement and rewards. E started coughing weird in the car as we drove to the lalapalooza of kid joy and it sounded like a gag tangled with a cough. I asked her repeatedly if she was okay and she was so excited that she would brush me off with, "I am okay mommy". My nerves were on edge, but nothing else seemed wrong yet so we went on with the fun.
The drive home produced more random gagging coughs and I put her to bed early. Before I even reached my own bedtime, she was awake and weeping for me to comfort her. Something was wrong so I let her lay in my arms that night (or kicking me in the face or jabbing me in the eye as is protocol for children in your bed). When I awoke to do Sunday morning stuff, she was feverish. I could tell the instant I touched her skin and I knew she was in serious trouble. I have personally witnessed my E have infections come from her eyes, nose, and ears simultaneously while laid up in a hospital bed for days on end getting treatment and never raise temperature. She doesn't get fevers. It makes catching her illnesses all the more tricky and scary for everyone. Her immune system is fun that way.
I took her temp and she was up to 99.3 so I called my mom and the instant she heard the words "E has a fever", she was inviting me to bring my other three over immediately. She could read my mind that E needed to get to the emergency room ASAP. I handed out pop tarts, dressed kids, and hustled them into our minivan in rapid succession and off we went. I dropped off kids and then took E to the hospital. The physician's assistant that saw us was fantastic. He asked every question and ran every swab. In the time it took to get her vitals checked the first time, she had gone up to around 100 degrees. By 30 minutes later, she was passing the 102 mark and they gave her medicine. The swabs came back RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus) positive. He gave me directions to follow up with her pediatrician and gave her zofran in case she started throwing up.
She had a horrible night. Anytime her fever reducers would run low, the fevers would spike suddenly and bring violent vomiting spells with them. She was barely eating or drinking. I called the e.r. and asked for guidance. They just had me give her the zofran, wait, give her the fever reducers, wait, and repeat. It was a symptom cover-up that got her through the night. I took her in to the pediatrician on her cocktail of meds and the doctor was completely uninterested. She told me, "you got this" and sent us out the door 30 seconds after walking in. No tests, no research about RSV and DiGeorge. Just "you got this" and out. I took her home and soon her meds were no longer working. I called the Nurse's Hotline and they urged me to take her back in so I loaded her up and went back to the emergency room. Her vitals seemed slightly off and her fever was holding with Motrin in her system.
I wanted more tests run. They gave her Tylenol to bring down the fever more and gave her a pop-sickle. Then a different physician's assistant came in and told me that running more tests would "just tell us what we already know, she has RSV". He talked me out of getting chest x-rays or running blood work. They made me feel like I was dropping the ball not just adding in Tylenol and was being dramatic bringing her back to the emergency room. I took her home and we went through another very terrible night. I woke up on almost no sleep the next morning KNOWING that her condition was not just RSV. I knew she was slipping into a crisis and I knew that no one here was going to help her. I googled RSV and DiGeorge and the medical journals immediately started showing fatalities. Sudden deaths due to rapid onset of pneumonia. I jumped into action.
My friend and I drove her to a Reno emergency room and I let all my fear, sleep deprivation, and anger loose. They handled it well as they watched my poor baby vomit violently empty-stomach contents. Her oxygen was down to 87, her temp was climbing, she was dehydrated and lethargic. They ran tests. Her lungs were filling with fluid and she required i.v. fluids and antibiotics, plus oxygen. She was admitted with a fever of 103.5. The blood tests came back showing some form of staph growing and the doctor delivered the preliminary results grimly, but with hope it might be a contaminated sample. When they left, I researched staph blood infections and my world dropped out from under me. I asked EVERYONE to start praying. They did. They are wonderful like that. It didn't hurt that I had multiple friends and family members jump into action in helping with my other children instantly and they ensured I could get E better. I love them so much.
I made my way downstairs to a gift shop and when I went to buy some random pain killers for a massive headache, the owner saw my demeanor. She asked if I was okay and I said no. I said my daughter might have a staph infection in her blood. She came around and took me by the arm to the chapel and sat down with me. She told me about her daughter, her only child, that had leukemia. She told me about her daughter's death in that exact hospital and the unbearable path of healing she had to endure to be where she was now. She told me about all about her education, her place on multiple boards for charities, and all the children she now knows and loves and helps. She gave me a place to sit and cry and pray quietly until I could wipe it off and go back to being strong for E.
I found out in the midst of all this that I aced my chem final, got an A. That I aced my Sociology class. I earned that 4.0 I wanted so badly. It was the most confusing place to be happy and drifting so far from happiness simultaneously. I was disjointed by it. I missed my other children and would make back and forth trips to Fallon to get groceries in my house, hold my other kids, hold my L, get clothes ready for the next few days for all of them just to rush back to E. Days after the prayers were started, they were answered. The staph grew out to show a skin cell had contaminated the blood sample and she DID NOT have staph running wild through her blood. I thought I might implode from the joy and relief and from gratitude. God had it under control and he showed me that when I was letting fear run my world.
E spent 5 days in the hospital getting top-quality care from Saint Mary's Children's Hospital. She got to go home acting like herself, with an unfortunate new heart mummer caused by the stress on her body. I felt elated the instant we walked in the door of our home and I still had just enough time to still rescue Christmas for the kids. Even though I shopped for FIVE kids on Christmas Eve, it all came together. They all got to wake up to their mom and sister home and presents under the tree. My gift was being there to see it happen and E being there with me. You can't wrap that up, but it means a million times more in the end.
1 comment:
This made me cry.
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