I wish I knew how my life had reached this point. I feel imprisoned and unhappy and overwhelmed and trapped and sad and like I am tugged in four directions at all times. My family and I moved here two years ago and although it started out okay and things moved along better than hoped for, my world has just seemed to collapse down around and on top of me. Nothing really makes sense. How on earth can I make sense of everything that I have been through in the last three and a half years anyway? Darryl's job loss, then disabilities caused by the job (and the damages it has caused our family in turn), then after a year of his new job, being fired and losing our medical insurance and his income. Darryl's amazing and loved father suddenly dying of a rare cancer only four months after diagnosis. My hit and run car accident where I chased her crazy, sorry speeding car down while on the phone with the police reading off her plate number and my following back injury from it. The non-stop hospitalization-level illnesses that my four year old daughter has had since October of last year and my illnesses caused by being exposed to the emergency rooms full of sick children. My starting college in an effort to get into nursing school so that I can finally be capable of providing a decent living for my children if need be WHILE working part-time and dealing with situations well beyond what I am capable of dealing with in my home life. I am worn down to the emotional bone here. I am not really sure what on earth triggered this down pour of bad luck and unhappiness and illness and financial punches in the face, but I am so deeply worn out already.
I had belief in things once. I believed in love and happiness and success and staying at home with my children and eternal family and so many other concepts that I learned were possible. But here I am in a home that feels so broken and lost and chaotic and I just don't even know up from down anymore. I feel so deeply jaded and embittered by this all. I have tried to put on my happy face, act like I am good to go, strong, hanging in there. Well guess what? I am none of those things. I am falling apart from the inside. I am heart broken and ready for changes that are drastic and hard to make. How much can one woman sacrifice and lose and watch be taken away? How much can one woman go in a day without collapsing in fatigue with still half her to-do list unfinished? Am I alone here? I always envision this world of happy married couples with clean homes and love and faith and moms that are home teaching and cleaning and playing with their children. I despise not being one of them and despise that the closest I come to it is feeling like a poser who mimics those things, but isn't real. I feel like I try to emulate what I THINK is supposed to be happening, but have no real idea about how it really is out there.
I really don't know if things are going to get better for me. But what I do know is that things have to change and so do my beliefs in what is going on in the world. Am I right about those things existing or am I imagining something false? Are the other moms suffering from the same "desperate housewife" syndrome that plagues me by the minute? I especially want to know about other LDS moms. Is your life calm, happy, clean, stay-at-home? Is your marriage as full of love as I imagine? Or are you suffering just like me? Are you lost and overwhelmed and feel like you have failed again every single night before you crash? Because I am there and I feel completely alone. I am not looking for some husband or child bashing session here, just a knowledge of whether I am in an exceptionally unhealthy and out of control world, or if I am in a world that looks a whole lot like someone else's. I need to know. Please.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Other Side of the Story
The Other Side of the Story… narrated by Darryl, written by LaNae
I still remember the first time I saw her. I was invited by my friend Cindy to go to some local karaoke contest finale and decided “why not?”. The first few performances ranged from okay to almost embarrassing in some cases and I had taken the bad ones as excuses to step out for a smoke. Right before the final contestant was going to sing, I was planning to step out again, until she stepped out on the stage… She had a yellow shirt and pale blue pants on and all I could think was “wow”. She was beautiful and completely out of my league. I decided a cigarette could wait and I stayed planted in my seat to watch her performance. Once she opened her mouth I knew I had never heard such a beautiful voice in my life. I wanted to meet this woman and even though I didn’t think highly of my chances, I decided I was going to try once I found an opportunity.
My opportunity didn’t come. After her she finished and came out from the backstage area, she was immediately surrounded by people wanting to meet and talk to her. I didn’t want to have to fight my way through them and bother her so I just went ahead and went outside to take that smoke I had postponed. When the judges were ready to announce the winners, my friends and I took our seats and I hoped that she would win because I thought she was the best out there that night. She did. She took it by a landslide. After it was over, I headed home and she was on my mind, but I put it aside after realizing that I probably would never see her again or have a chance to meet her. Even more, I just couldn’t see her being single or being interested in me if she was.
About three weeks later my roommates had a friend over and of all people, it was her. I couldn’t remember her name because it was different than any name I had heard before, but I recognized her immediately. I kept wondering how on earth she was standing right there in my front room hanging out with my roommates. Later on I mentioned to them that I couldn’t remember her name, but I recognized her from that karaoke contest a few weeks ago. I asked them how they knew her and they said she was dating Kyle and I felt so disappointed. Due to my work schedule I had to be up super early every morning and in bed super early in the evenings so for a little while I only saw her in passing and because I thought she was with Kyle, I didn’t really try to get to know her.
That changed one day when she showed up just as everyone else was leaving. She was about to go ahead and leave when I said, “oh go ahead and just leave me here all alone” in hopes that she would take the bait and stay or invite me to go with her. She chose to stay and hang out with me. I was sitting at my computer playing games and just talking to her about my divorce that had finalized that previous April and she talked about a guy that had really broken her heart recently too. We talked about how each of us wasn’t looking to date anyone or be in a relationship, but that if the time came when it felt right, we would go with it. Talking to her was just so natural and I felt no pressure and I just couldn’t believe how comfortable it was. There was a sense of ease and understanding between us that I had never felt with anyone else in my life. After a while the roommates all showed up and even though I was disappointed, we parted ways. But I was filled with an excitement and aw of her and of our talk. It had been a long time since I had felt anything even close to that, but this was stronger than anything I could remember. I wanted to spend more time with her and soon.
One night everybody in the apartment was going to go to the movies and asked if I wanted to go and I did. As we were driving there, they told me that this was a date for Kyle and LaNae and to leave them alone so they could hit it off on their “date”. My hopes were dashed in a second when they said that, but I backed off and left them alone. LaNae sat down and Kyle sat next to her and the rest of us sat the row above them, but I chose to sit in the seat directly behind her. After the movie we all headed over to the bowling alley that had a bar and karaoke machine and some pool tables. Everyone got seated and we all hung out while Kyle and EJ sang boy band girly songs with each other. I wanted to get close to her so I took my chance while their girly songs were going. In an act of being goofy, I walked over and picked her up and over my shoulder. I told her how light she was and she blew me off, but thought it was funny and we decided to go play some pool together.
That girl sharked me. She played all innocent until she got that stick in her hand and she killed me. Soon enough our fun ended when Kyle lingered near her and it got uncomfortable. I decided to hang out and talk with a friend of mine that had come along named Misty. After everyone else was done at the bowling alley, Misty and I decided to hit the town because I wanted to run away from any chance at seeing LaNae with Kyle so we went to a local bar called Headquarters to shoot the breeze. Misty and I were friends and nothing more so it was fun watching the other guys in the bar ogling at her and teasing them about her. By the time I got home, there was daylight coming so I headed to bed to ignore anything to do with LaNae and slept hard.
LaNae was starting to hang around a lot more. One night we were all hanging out watching a movie when EJ went over and whispered something to LaNae. The next thing I knew she and Kyle stepped into his room and my disappointment was overwhelming. It was over, she was with him and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t stand thinking about it so I went to my bedroom, closed the door, pulled my mattress off my bed, thru in onto the patio outside and went to sleep under the stars. I couldn’t be in the same house as them if they were together. “There goes my chances” were the last words I thought before falling asleep.
(LaNae’s side: LaNae was NEVER dating Kyle. LaNae was clueless that Darryl’s roommates were making it up and telling Darryl we were dating. LaNae was completely curious and interested in Darryl and Kyle was making LaNae uncomfortable. The night EJ whispered something to LaNae was to tell her how Kyle wanted to “cuddle” with her and she was repulsed by the thought. It was then that she chose to take Kyle somewhere private where he wouldn’t be embarrassed and explain to him that she wasn’t interested and how sorry she was if it hurt him. When she came out of his room and Darryl had gone to bed, she knew she was in trouble. She was afraid she had lost him before she had ever gotten him when he saw she and Kyle go into that bedroom alone and close that door…)
I still remember the first time I saw her. I was invited by my friend Cindy to go to some local karaoke contest finale and decided “why not?”. The first few performances ranged from okay to almost embarrassing in some cases and I had taken the bad ones as excuses to step out for a smoke. Right before the final contestant was going to sing, I was planning to step out again, until she stepped out on the stage… She had a yellow shirt and pale blue pants on and all I could think was “wow”. She was beautiful and completely out of my league. I decided a cigarette could wait and I stayed planted in my seat to watch her performance. Once she opened her mouth I knew I had never heard such a beautiful voice in my life. I wanted to meet this woman and even though I didn’t think highly of my chances, I decided I was going to try once I found an opportunity.
My opportunity didn’t come. After her she finished and came out from the backstage area, she was immediately surrounded by people wanting to meet and talk to her. I didn’t want to have to fight my way through them and bother her so I just went ahead and went outside to take that smoke I had postponed. When the judges were ready to announce the winners, my friends and I took our seats and I hoped that she would win because I thought she was the best out there that night. She did. She took it by a landslide. After it was over, I headed home and she was on my mind, but I put it aside after realizing that I probably would never see her again or have a chance to meet her. Even more, I just couldn’t see her being single or being interested in me if she was.
About three weeks later my roommates had a friend over and of all people, it was her. I couldn’t remember her name because it was different than any name I had heard before, but I recognized her immediately. I kept wondering how on earth she was standing right there in my front room hanging out with my roommates. Later on I mentioned to them that I couldn’t remember her name, but I recognized her from that karaoke contest a few weeks ago. I asked them how they knew her and they said she was dating Kyle and I felt so disappointed. Due to my work schedule I had to be up super early every morning and in bed super early in the evenings so for a little while I only saw her in passing and because I thought she was with Kyle, I didn’t really try to get to know her.
That changed one day when she showed up just as everyone else was leaving. She was about to go ahead and leave when I said, “oh go ahead and just leave me here all alone” in hopes that she would take the bait and stay or invite me to go with her. She chose to stay and hang out with me. I was sitting at my computer playing games and just talking to her about my divorce that had finalized that previous April and she talked about a guy that had really broken her heart recently too. We talked about how each of us wasn’t looking to date anyone or be in a relationship, but that if the time came when it felt right, we would go with it. Talking to her was just so natural and I felt no pressure and I just couldn’t believe how comfortable it was. There was a sense of ease and understanding between us that I had never felt with anyone else in my life. After a while the roommates all showed up and even though I was disappointed, we parted ways. But I was filled with an excitement and aw of her and of our talk. It had been a long time since I had felt anything even close to that, but this was stronger than anything I could remember. I wanted to spend more time with her and soon.
One night everybody in the apartment was going to go to the movies and asked if I wanted to go and I did. As we were driving there, they told me that this was a date for Kyle and LaNae and to leave them alone so they could hit it off on their “date”. My hopes were dashed in a second when they said that, but I backed off and left them alone. LaNae sat down and Kyle sat next to her and the rest of us sat the row above them, but I chose to sit in the seat directly behind her. After the movie we all headed over to the bowling alley that had a bar and karaoke machine and some pool tables. Everyone got seated and we all hung out while Kyle and EJ sang boy band girly songs with each other. I wanted to get close to her so I took my chance while their girly songs were going. In an act of being goofy, I walked over and picked her up and over my shoulder. I told her how light she was and she blew me off, but thought it was funny and we decided to go play some pool together.
That girl sharked me. She played all innocent until she got that stick in her hand and she killed me. Soon enough our fun ended when Kyle lingered near her and it got uncomfortable. I decided to hang out and talk with a friend of mine that had come along named Misty. After everyone else was done at the bowling alley, Misty and I decided to hit the town because I wanted to run away from any chance at seeing LaNae with Kyle so we went to a local bar called Headquarters to shoot the breeze. Misty and I were friends and nothing more so it was fun watching the other guys in the bar ogling at her and teasing them about her. By the time I got home, there was daylight coming so I headed to bed to ignore anything to do with LaNae and slept hard.
LaNae was starting to hang around a lot more. One night we were all hanging out watching a movie when EJ went over and whispered something to LaNae. The next thing I knew she and Kyle stepped into his room and my disappointment was overwhelming. It was over, she was with him and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t stand thinking about it so I went to my bedroom, closed the door, pulled my mattress off my bed, thru in onto the patio outside and went to sleep under the stars. I couldn’t be in the same house as them if they were together. “There goes my chances” were the last words I thought before falling asleep.
(LaNae’s side: LaNae was NEVER dating Kyle. LaNae was clueless that Darryl’s roommates were making it up and telling Darryl we were dating. LaNae was completely curious and interested in Darryl and Kyle was making LaNae uncomfortable. The night EJ whispered something to LaNae was to tell her how Kyle wanted to “cuddle” with her and she was repulsed by the thought. It was then that she chose to take Kyle somewhere private where he wouldn’t be embarrassed and explain to him that she wasn’t interested and how sorry she was if it hurt him. When she came out of his room and Darryl had gone to bed, she knew she was in trouble. She was afraid she had lost him before she had ever gotten him when he saw she and Kyle go into that bedroom alone and close that door…)
Friday, July 2, 2010
Baby
Have you ever seen the movie "UP"? If yes, you know the part after they are married and are looking at clouds and they all start looking like babies to them? Well, that was Darryl and I. I knew I wanted to have a baby. I could feel it all the way from my heart to my bones and Darryl felt the same way. It was like a gear was switched in my brain and I became crazily focused on having a baby. Too focused. I don’t know how other peoples’ bodies work, but the more I obsessed on it, the farther from getting pregnant I got. When it didn’t happen right away, I got really nervous. I started using all these different types of vitamins, quit drinking caffeine, and simply wanted it SO bad. Well, three months into being married, I was getting pissed because I have some of the most fertile family members I know. I mean, my mom got pregnant EVERY SINGLE TIME she tried and my father had multiple children with multiple women. Genetics were not a concern there. Then you look at Darryl’s family and it got ridiculous. I mean, Darryl is a twin with a younger sister only 18 months younger then he and his twin sister! So why wasn’t I getting pregnant? Well, life distracted me when the time arrived for Darryl and I to drive from Nevada to Tennessee to meet my in-laws. If anything in life will distract a person, meeting your new in-laws will do it. We had all our things in my teeny tiny trailer packed up and sent to Japan to wait for us and then we set off to Tennessee. My in-laws were great. They were welcoming and friendly and even Darryl’s grandfather who was notorious for grilling new people in his family’s lives was completely accepting of me. I have to say I wasn’t surprised at how great they were based off of who Darryl was and knowing that you have to be raised right to be like him.
About a week and a half into our visit I mentioned to my mother-in-law that I was breaking out on my face a lot more than usual. I had also noticed that I was getting car sick within minutes of getting into any car, going any distance. I even was more tired. I had actually fallen asleep in the car during a ten minute drive and I DO NOT nap EVER. It was weird to me but I didn’t look much into any of it or add it all together as a package. It was my mother-in-law who figured it out. After mentioning my breaking out, she said “LaNae, I think you might be pregnant.”. I wanted her to be right, but had had months of negative tests and told her I just didn’t want to get my hopes up again to be disappointed. She let it go… for a couple of days LOL.
Darryl and I loved watching hockey together and the Tennessee Predators were in the playoffs at the same time as our visit so we HAD to go to a game! While Darryl was on the computer getting our tickets, Janet (my mother-in-law) walked up to us at the computer and set a pregnancy test down on the computer desk. She simply said, “just in case” and left it sitting there for me to stare at. I just felt like I didn’t have it in me to go through seeing that line not appear and my hopes get dashed again, so I left it sitting there and went off to the Pred’s game…
The opposing team was the Detroit Redwings. The team colors are red and white and the fans seated next to us were Redwings fans. What made that funny was that the man looked JUST LIKE Santa Claus! Our team kicked butt and it was so much fun and at the end of the night the guy gave me a card that said “I met Santa Claus.” It gave us a great laugh and we got back to my in-law’s place around 10 pm. Once arriving we headed upstairs and Darryl turned his attention to that test sitting on the desk. “Indulge your mother-in-law LaNae and take the test.” “Fine.” I stomped off into the bathroom with the test. Once I did my girly business, I set the test on the box and told it to just “tell me what I already know already” and turned my attention away for just a few seconds. When I turned back to the test I saw the slightest little positive line and I LOST MY MIND! I started screaming for Darryl, tried to get up but forgot to pull my pants up all the way and was tripping all over myself to get to the door, then couldn’t figure out how to open the door in my flustered state. It was hilarious.
Now, from the other side of the door, things went like this…
LaNae enters bathroom and only Darryl knows it.
LaNae starts screaming “DARRYL!!!!” from inside the bathroom.
Janet and her best friend only hear LaNae screaming and it scares them to death and they rush to ask Darryl what is wrong. Without even speaking to LaNae yet Darryl says, “I guess LaNae is pregnant.” Pandemonium follows as LaNae untangles herself from her pants and door and joins up with other three to show them the test and jump around like a kangaroo on speed from excitement…
I was EXTACTIC. Darryl and I went out at 10:30 at night to buy a bottle of prenatal vitamins and more tests to take because I was scared to death it wasn’t real and wanted to see it happen again. I was truly happy in every way. I was pregnant! I had a life other than mine to care for, love, pray for, and nurture. I wanted this little one more than words were capable of expressing and it was actually going to happen! I was going to be a mother, even better, a mommy. And I was going to obsessively prepare and for that every single day for the remaining 38 weeks I had left of pregnancy. Now, when I calculated her due date, it came up December 28th… three days after Christmas. I found out I was pregnant three days after Christmas after meeting “Santa Claus” at a Nashville Predator’s hockey game. Thank you Santa! I will take an early present any year! Woo hoo! Now to move to Japan….
About a week and a half into our visit I mentioned to my mother-in-law that I was breaking out on my face a lot more than usual. I had also noticed that I was getting car sick within minutes of getting into any car, going any distance. I even was more tired. I had actually fallen asleep in the car during a ten minute drive and I DO NOT nap EVER. It was weird to me but I didn’t look much into any of it or add it all together as a package. It was my mother-in-law who figured it out. After mentioning my breaking out, she said “LaNae, I think you might be pregnant.”. I wanted her to be right, but had had months of negative tests and told her I just didn’t want to get my hopes up again to be disappointed. She let it go… for a couple of days LOL.
Darryl and I loved watching hockey together and the Tennessee Predators were in the playoffs at the same time as our visit so we HAD to go to a game! While Darryl was on the computer getting our tickets, Janet (my mother-in-law) walked up to us at the computer and set a pregnancy test down on the computer desk. She simply said, “just in case” and left it sitting there for me to stare at. I just felt like I didn’t have it in me to go through seeing that line not appear and my hopes get dashed again, so I left it sitting there and went off to the Pred’s game…
The opposing team was the Detroit Redwings. The team colors are red and white and the fans seated next to us were Redwings fans. What made that funny was that the man looked JUST LIKE Santa Claus! Our team kicked butt and it was so much fun and at the end of the night the guy gave me a card that said “I met Santa Claus.” It gave us a great laugh and we got back to my in-law’s place around 10 pm. Once arriving we headed upstairs and Darryl turned his attention to that test sitting on the desk. “Indulge your mother-in-law LaNae and take the test.” “Fine.” I stomped off into the bathroom with the test. Once I did my girly business, I set the test on the box and told it to just “tell me what I already know already” and turned my attention away for just a few seconds. When I turned back to the test I saw the slightest little positive line and I LOST MY MIND! I started screaming for Darryl, tried to get up but forgot to pull my pants up all the way and was tripping all over myself to get to the door, then couldn’t figure out how to open the door in my flustered state. It was hilarious.
Now, from the other side of the door, things went like this…
LaNae enters bathroom and only Darryl knows it.
LaNae starts screaming “DARRYL!!!!” from inside the bathroom.
Janet and her best friend only hear LaNae screaming and it scares them to death and they rush to ask Darryl what is wrong. Without even speaking to LaNae yet Darryl says, “I guess LaNae is pregnant.” Pandemonium follows as LaNae untangles herself from her pants and door and joins up with other three to show them the test and jump around like a kangaroo on speed from excitement…
I was EXTACTIC. Darryl and I went out at 10:30 at night to buy a bottle of prenatal vitamins and more tests to take because I was scared to death it wasn’t real and wanted to see it happen again. I was truly happy in every way. I was pregnant! I had a life other than mine to care for, love, pray for, and nurture. I wanted this little one more than words were capable of expressing and it was actually going to happen! I was going to be a mother, even better, a mommy. And I was going to obsessively prepare and for that every single day for the remaining 38 weeks I had left of pregnancy. Now, when I calculated her due date, it came up December 28th… three days after Christmas. I found out I was pregnant three days after Christmas after meeting “Santa Claus” at a Nashville Predator’s hockey game. Thank you Santa! I will take an early present any year! Woo hoo! Now to move to Japan….
Friday, June 25, 2010
By January 1st or Bust
For any of those who don’t know, my home town is a “Navy town”. This pretty much means we have a tiny town with a base full of service members that a number of the local girls end up marrying and leaving with. Never had I considered myself being among those girls, but here I was engaged to Darryl. Darryl was a jet mechanic in the Navy stationed in Fallon, NV (aka Nae’s home). Unfortunately for both of us, Darryl’s time in Fallon was coming to an end and his next destination would be Japan. Even more unfortunate was that he was due to be there in six months. But there was more to it than just going there. There was special schooling for him to go do and a visit to Tennessee to visit his family before leaving for three years. This knocked his time in Fallon down to only three months from the day we got officially engaged.
At first we discussed him leaving and coming back in April for a wedding and us leaving for Japan together after that. Darryl went ahead and talked to the people in charge of his orders to Japan about my being able to go there and us getting married. I still remember what he said almost perfectly…
“So I talked to PSD today about us getting married and getting you on my orders.”
“Well what did they say?”
“They said in order for you to go with me to Japan we have be married before January 1st.”
Stunned silence.
He continued, “I don’t think I will be able to come home in April because my ship will be out a lot of the year and I don’t know when my first real chance will be to come home. Then even after we are married I will have to go back without you and we will have to wait for who knows how long before you get approved to move over there with me.”
I didn’t know what to say. He had just informed me that we had a two month deadline to get married by or he would be leaving without me and it would be an undetermined length of time before we would see each other again. I just didn’t know what to think or do. I was overwhelmed and scared for the first time. This was now about more than love, it was about paperwork and being “command sponsored” so I could stay with the man I loved more than air itself. But it had already moved so fast up to this point in time and I was nervous about the whole matter. I needed time to process this and Darryl knew it and let me have that time. He didn’t pester me or bring it up or beg or remind me. He just told me what they told him and left me with it to make my decision.
At the same time as all of this I got a really powerful flu. I had never been so sick in my life. I would cough until I felt like my lungs just wanted to jump ship and it got worse and worse instead of improving. I just kept going to work and doing what I could to get through each day because I had absolutely no health insurance and so I could only go to the emergency room once it got too bad to ignore any longer. During this flu Darryl had to go on temporary active duty to China Lake base in CA for a few days. It was during this time that I realized that I couldn’t bare another day without him, let alone months apart in separate countries. I HAD to marry him before January 1st. No if, ands, or butts.
When Darryl came back to Fallon from China Lake I became obsessed with us eloping as soon as possible. I told him multiple times that I would marry him “right now!” if he wanted to. We wouldn’t have the time or money for a wedding and I wanted to get it done before our time was up. But Darryl had a condition. He told me that we had to both have the day off so that it wasn’t some lunch break hitch like his roommates had decided to do a week before. (You might be a Nevada redneck if… haha!) Anyway, that was a challenge because his days off were always Saturday and Sunday and mine were always Wednesday and Thursday. I was getting frustrated because I wasn’t comfortable asking for a day off yet at my job and the Navy doesn’t do “call in sick” days. You had to be on your deathbed or get a permission slip from teacher to have a day off that took weeks to get. Things were not looking good for the whole eloping plan.
That was resolved one night on my lunch (more like dinner) break. I ran home for some reason and right before heading back to work I started another one of my horrible coughing fits. This time I coughed up blood and I decided it was time for that expensive trip to the emergency room. I called work and let them know I was on my way to the e.r. and why and then called Darryl so he could meet me there as moral support. We sat together for a really long time and once I was brought back I was seated on a gurney in a hallway because the whole place was filled with people sick with the exact same thing. The red-eyed doctor half listened to me, told me I had bronchitis, wrote me a prescription for antibiotics and codine cough syrup and sent me on my way. The actual doctor part lasted all of five minutes and we were out the door.
I was crazy poor and once we went to pick up my prescriptions, they far exceeded any money I had to my name. Without a thought or being asked Darryl simply paid for them. I can’t explain what that meant to me. He was already taking care of me and we weren’t even married yet. I knew he was the one for me and I was excited about finally getting better from this nightmare flu and the infection it had so generously left behind. The next morning I decided to call in because it was forcing myself to go to work insanely ill that had gotten me into this mess in the first place and my work was very understanding. Then I realized that it was Darryl’s day off too! Yeah! I was getting hitched that day end of story. This was our chance do to this right. Elopement-style!
Darryl was onboard and so we decided to let his roommates know so they could decide whether they were coming or not. My mom was EXTREMELY far along in her pregnancy with my youngest brother and not one for formality and we had already warned her we would be eloping so I wasn’t going to try dragging her to Reno. I had other friends but I just didn’t want to put them on the spot about going if it wasn’t a day that worked for them so I figured I would just let them know afterward. His roommates decided to be not nice about matters. They guilt tripped us into waiting for every single person to be home so they could all decided together just to have all but one of them decide to blow us off and not go. There were still hurt feelings from Kyle and Mandy and EJ were best friends with Kyle and Dave was a wackadoodle that never made sense to me with anything he did. That left Denise (who was my co-worker at Wal-Mart that I loved to death).
By the time we left for Reno it was 9 pm. At 9:30 pm we stopped for gas and I started having a coughing fit again and decided to go ahead and use my codine cough syrup. When we arrived in Reno at 10 pm I was buzzzzzzing on that darn codine and we pulled up to the first 24 hour chapel we found. It was right across the street from a Circus Circus if that tells you much. It was great. They took you by limo to get your marriage license! Being the small town girl I was, I had never ever been in a limo and I thought it fitting I be in one for the first time on my wedding night. Once we got back to the chapel, Denise was our witness and Darryl and I exchanged our vows wearing blue jeans and stupid grins on our faces. But I have to admit that the stupid grin describes me more accurately than Darryl because he wasn’t seeing fuzzy little star people like I was from the cough syrup. (One has to wonder if “seeing fuzzy little star-people” would qualify as annulment marterial? Just saying Darryl is darn lucky I was loving him in the morning! Ha ha. )
At the end of our vows we hugged each other for what felt like a long time instead of a long kiss or anything like that. The Justice of the Peace presiding said that moments like ours was why he did his job and I could understand what he meant after seeing the couple before us that had gotten married. They had a baby with them and appeared to be doing what they had to do and not because they were happy about it. There was a sense of dread in the air around them and in comparison to us, we were radiating joy. A while later Darryl told me that with his first marriage he kept feeling the urge to sprint to the door and run fast and hard, but that with me he was exactly where he was meant to be. Neither of us regretted our decision to forgo an elaborate display of a wedding if it meant both of us would be boarding that flight to Japan together in April. If anything we knew that someday we would have our wedding. It would be at a time in our marriage when we would renew our vows and share that moment with our children, family, and friends.
So to sum it up Darryl John Miller married LaNae Marie Kelly on November 29th, 2003 in the first chapel they could find on the Reno strip at 10 at night while both wearing blue jeans while LaNae was high on codine cough syrup and seeing fuzzy little star people with their wonderful friend Denise as their witness after only being engaged one month. (And let’s not forget to mention we had only met a month and a half before getting engaged!) In my book that qualifies as the Best.Wedding.Ever. Hands down. What do you think????
At first we discussed him leaving and coming back in April for a wedding and us leaving for Japan together after that. Darryl went ahead and talked to the people in charge of his orders to Japan about my being able to go there and us getting married. I still remember what he said almost perfectly…
“So I talked to PSD today about us getting married and getting you on my orders.”
“Well what did they say?”
“They said in order for you to go with me to Japan we have be married before January 1st.”
Stunned silence.
He continued, “I don’t think I will be able to come home in April because my ship will be out a lot of the year and I don’t know when my first real chance will be to come home. Then even after we are married I will have to go back without you and we will have to wait for who knows how long before you get approved to move over there with me.”
I didn’t know what to say. He had just informed me that we had a two month deadline to get married by or he would be leaving without me and it would be an undetermined length of time before we would see each other again. I just didn’t know what to think or do. I was overwhelmed and scared for the first time. This was now about more than love, it was about paperwork and being “command sponsored” so I could stay with the man I loved more than air itself. But it had already moved so fast up to this point in time and I was nervous about the whole matter. I needed time to process this and Darryl knew it and let me have that time. He didn’t pester me or bring it up or beg or remind me. He just told me what they told him and left me with it to make my decision.
At the same time as all of this I got a really powerful flu. I had never been so sick in my life. I would cough until I felt like my lungs just wanted to jump ship and it got worse and worse instead of improving. I just kept going to work and doing what I could to get through each day because I had absolutely no health insurance and so I could only go to the emergency room once it got too bad to ignore any longer. During this flu Darryl had to go on temporary active duty to China Lake base in CA for a few days. It was during this time that I realized that I couldn’t bare another day without him, let alone months apart in separate countries. I HAD to marry him before January 1st. No if, ands, or butts.
When Darryl came back to Fallon from China Lake I became obsessed with us eloping as soon as possible. I told him multiple times that I would marry him “right now!” if he wanted to. We wouldn’t have the time or money for a wedding and I wanted to get it done before our time was up. But Darryl had a condition. He told me that we had to both have the day off so that it wasn’t some lunch break hitch like his roommates had decided to do a week before. (You might be a Nevada redneck if… haha!) Anyway, that was a challenge because his days off were always Saturday and Sunday and mine were always Wednesday and Thursday. I was getting frustrated because I wasn’t comfortable asking for a day off yet at my job and the Navy doesn’t do “call in sick” days. You had to be on your deathbed or get a permission slip from teacher to have a day off that took weeks to get. Things were not looking good for the whole eloping plan.
That was resolved one night on my lunch (more like dinner) break. I ran home for some reason and right before heading back to work I started another one of my horrible coughing fits. This time I coughed up blood and I decided it was time for that expensive trip to the emergency room. I called work and let them know I was on my way to the e.r. and why and then called Darryl so he could meet me there as moral support. We sat together for a really long time and once I was brought back I was seated on a gurney in a hallway because the whole place was filled with people sick with the exact same thing. The red-eyed doctor half listened to me, told me I had bronchitis, wrote me a prescription for antibiotics and codine cough syrup and sent me on my way. The actual doctor part lasted all of five minutes and we were out the door.
I was crazy poor and once we went to pick up my prescriptions, they far exceeded any money I had to my name. Without a thought or being asked Darryl simply paid for them. I can’t explain what that meant to me. He was already taking care of me and we weren’t even married yet. I knew he was the one for me and I was excited about finally getting better from this nightmare flu and the infection it had so generously left behind. The next morning I decided to call in because it was forcing myself to go to work insanely ill that had gotten me into this mess in the first place and my work was very understanding. Then I realized that it was Darryl’s day off too! Yeah! I was getting hitched that day end of story. This was our chance do to this right. Elopement-style!
Darryl was onboard and so we decided to let his roommates know so they could decide whether they were coming or not. My mom was EXTREMELY far along in her pregnancy with my youngest brother and not one for formality and we had already warned her we would be eloping so I wasn’t going to try dragging her to Reno. I had other friends but I just didn’t want to put them on the spot about going if it wasn’t a day that worked for them so I figured I would just let them know afterward. His roommates decided to be not nice about matters. They guilt tripped us into waiting for every single person to be home so they could all decided together just to have all but one of them decide to blow us off and not go. There were still hurt feelings from Kyle and Mandy and EJ were best friends with Kyle and Dave was a wackadoodle that never made sense to me with anything he did. That left Denise (who was my co-worker at Wal-Mart that I loved to death).
By the time we left for Reno it was 9 pm. At 9:30 pm we stopped for gas and I started having a coughing fit again and decided to go ahead and use my codine cough syrup. When we arrived in Reno at 10 pm I was buzzzzzzing on that darn codine and we pulled up to the first 24 hour chapel we found. It was right across the street from a Circus Circus if that tells you much. It was great. They took you by limo to get your marriage license! Being the small town girl I was, I had never ever been in a limo and I thought it fitting I be in one for the first time on my wedding night. Once we got back to the chapel, Denise was our witness and Darryl and I exchanged our vows wearing blue jeans and stupid grins on our faces. But I have to admit that the stupid grin describes me more accurately than Darryl because he wasn’t seeing fuzzy little star people like I was from the cough syrup. (One has to wonder if “seeing fuzzy little star-people” would qualify as annulment marterial? Just saying Darryl is darn lucky I was loving him in the morning! Ha ha. )
At the end of our vows we hugged each other for what felt like a long time instead of a long kiss or anything like that. The Justice of the Peace presiding said that moments like ours was why he did his job and I could understand what he meant after seeing the couple before us that had gotten married. They had a baby with them and appeared to be doing what they had to do and not because they were happy about it. There was a sense of dread in the air around them and in comparison to us, we were radiating joy. A while later Darryl told me that with his first marriage he kept feeling the urge to sprint to the door and run fast and hard, but that with me he was exactly where he was meant to be. Neither of us regretted our decision to forgo an elaborate display of a wedding if it meant both of us would be boarding that flight to Japan together in April. If anything we knew that someday we would have our wedding. It would be at a time in our marriage when we would renew our vows and share that moment with our children, family, and friends.
So to sum it up Darryl John Miller married LaNae Marie Kelly on November 29th, 2003 in the first chapel they could find on the Reno strip at 10 at night while both wearing blue jeans while LaNae was high on codine cough syrup and seeing fuzzy little star people with their wonderful friend Denise as their witness after only being engaged one month. (And let’s not forget to mention we had only met a month and a half before getting engaged!) In my book that qualifies as the Best.Wedding.Ever. Hands down. What do you think????
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
An Engagement
I was pretty much in la la land every waking moment to the point that it grossed out our friends and my co-workers. My birthday was closing in on me on October 8th and it wasn’t just any birthday, it was my 21st birthday. And in my current status on being inactive in church, it was fact that I would be buying alcohol legally just to say I did it and have a smashing good time. But the real birthday happened a little while before my birthday after a date to the movies with Darryl. We chose to go to Reno simply because we could and as we were driving home Darryl handed me a present. When I unwrapped it, I found a purple blanket with Tinkerbell on it, which I LOVED at the time, and my name spelled correctly embroidered on it. I was floored. No one, save my grandfather that gave me a car for graduating, had taken such effort to get me a gift that was perfectly fitted to me. The thought that he had sat down and researched and found such a thoughtful gift amazed me. I realized how much he cared about me and listened to me. I had complained that my name was unique enough that I would never find it on anything and he gave me something personalized so I could have that. He even remembered that darn capitol N that only made it less findable. To this day he sits back and relives the look on my face when I opened that gift.
Something of note is that I was always very uncomfortable with receiving gifts from boys, but this was so different because it came from him and had been so suited to me and only me. Around the same time as this gift, my cousin John was randomly using my place as a crashing pad while I would be at work or Darryl’s place. One day we were there at the same time and I told him that if Darryl were to ever propose to me, I wouldn’t be able to turn him down. John thought Darryl was cat’s meow because he had been around for all the less than favorable boys before him and he was very supportive of our relationship. We decided that he was going to go with Darryl and I on my 21st and have a fantastic time. When my birthday arrived, I had to work that day and when I showed up, there were a dozen red yellow tipped roses waiting for me from Darryl. Again I was floored and so excited to matter so much to him. He pulled out all the stops. After work it was time to go and get our drinking on.
I had a few shots and got a little hazy and as we were leaving, my intoxicated cousin decided to tell Darryl what I had told him earlier. “LaNae told me that if you asked her to marry you, she wouldn’t say no.” In my intoxicated state I replied, “John, you weren’t supposed to tell him that!”. Then I turned to Darryl and said “But I total did say it. I would marry you.”. Now Darryl understood that John and I were lacking in word self-control and suffering from the condition of alcohol induced word vomit and he just smiled and took us to the next few bars while I decided to tell him over and over what a great wife I would be and how much greaterererer I would be than his ex-wife. I got a little obsessive in my growingly intoxicated state and he just kept smiling and guiding me to safety when I would stagger into danger. Eventually John strayed from us and Darryl got me safely home and tucked in. The next morning I realized what John and I had done to poor Darryl and I was terrified that he would be a tad shell shocked by our sneak attack (or bombardment, you decide hehe). Luckily he just stayed calm and quietly started asking himself if I was the one woman he would want to marry. He asked himself if I was the one person he could go through marriage again with after what had happened with his first marriage. I just backed off after my little spurt of word vomit and let it lie.
On October 15th he had the day off on the same day as I did and we decided to go have fun in Virginia City. I loved that place because I got to spend some fun times with my grandmother there as a kid and Darryl really wanted to get an old fashioned picture taken together. I thought it would be fun too and so we went ahead and got our first picture together taken. It was so much fun and after we had them taken we had to roam around a while while they got developed. As we walked and cruised the stores we started talking about the picture and Darryl said, “it will be something fun for our grandchildren to see”. I said, “yeah, it will”. Without any uncomfortable production of being on his knee and displaying a shiny diamond, he had proposed to me and I had accepted. It was an unspoken and beautiful proposal that was perfect for us because as long as we had known each other I had thought of us as best friends that kept things natural and simple. We were just Darryl and LaNae and now we were engaged. He was the first and only person I had been truly willing and eager to marry.
The real uncomfortable proposal came on Halloween day on my lunch break during work. I was dressed up in a snow fairy-ish costume and as he was dropping me off to go back he pulled out my ring. In a very unromantic way he got flustered and simply said, “well, do you wanna?”. It was hilariously awkward, but I immediately responded with a yes and put on my modest ring and felt like the luckiest girl alive. I was engaged and I was so happy and wanted to tell every single person alive about it (and proceeded to do just that to the chagrin of said people). And to think, all it took was some serious alcoholic word vomit from my cousin and I to be betrothed to my Darryl. We really missed the mark on formality, but we were happy. Isn’t that what matters most? Because it was for us.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
And They Fall in Love
Our first real date was on October 1st, about two and a half weeks after our first real meeting. Darryl was trying to quit smoking (which I was very happy about) and had asked me to go with him to a hypnotist he was going to see in Reno. We drove the one hour drive together to Reno and just went over how we had danced around liking each other over the past couple of weeks until Kyle had removed himself from our weird triangle. Once he was not a part of us keeping our distance from one another, we were able to hang out as much as we wanted and got to know each other and realized just how perfect a fit we really were. One night we went to my place (my wonderful little fifth wheel that I loved because it was my own little place in the world) and just hung out. We watched movies, talked, kissed, and eventually passed out and slept next to each other, but did nothing more. When morning broke, Darryl needed to get up and go home to get ready for work and when he woke up, so did I. We laid there talking for I don’t know how long. It was peaceful and comfortable and perfect and when he left, the moment came when the Spirit of the Lord was able to whisper to me.
He told me that Darryl was the one, that he would join the church, and that it was right for me to be with him. He told me exactly what I needed to hear and I knew my life had changed that day. I knew I had found The One, or more he had been brought to me by divine hands. That was when the guilt came in. I knew I didn’t deserve anything so special as this gift I was being given. I had become completely inactive in the church. I had broken my baptismal covenants and had not been behaving in a fashion worthy of any blessings from God, but here I was being blessed with the most special man I could have ever imagined (even make a checklist for). I wanted to be better and I knew I was incapable of doing that alone. I knew I needed a friend and support to get through going back to church and becoming active again. I knew that going back was going to take bravery I lacked at that time in my life. I was scared and starving for that part of my life to be returned to me, or rather for me to return to it. Darryl was meant to be that friend and support.
I stayed out in Darryl’s car during his hypnosis and after he was done, we decided to go to Red Lobster for lunch. That was our first official date as LaNae and Darryl the couple instead of LaNae and Darryl the friends (that totally wanted to be more than friends). I already knew inside that Darryl loved me. One night we had decided to go to Stockman’s and hang out simply so we didn’t have to say goodnight yet and as we sat across from each other I saw it happen. I saw something in his eyes change, a spark lit up and I knew in that moment that he had realized that he was in love with me. I didn’t want it yet. I didn’t want us to go there yet. I was scared and hadn’t yet been given the go ahead from God on the whole dating someone matter. Up to then, we were still in hanging out and flirting mode. We were best friends with potential and I was scared of moving too fast in any direction. But that moment came and I knew that whether or not I reciprocated or not, Darryl loved me, Darryl was in love with me. And deep down, I knew I was falling in love with him too, but I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to be in love with anyone for a long time, but here we both were, sitting across from one another, falling in love recklessly.
By the time we got back to Darryl’s place after leaving Reno, I knew I loved him. Scratch that, I knew I was in love with him. I knew that there was no one else out there for me and that every day I woke up happy because I knew he was out there in the world and I would get to see him and be close to him. I had butterflies any time he crossed my mind or I laid eyes on him. I was smitten and taken with him completely. So I had to come up with a way to say the words to him where he wouldn’t be forced to say them back if he wasn’t ready. I chose an indirect approach. We were sitting together and I said, “Darryl, you love me.” To which he responded, “And you love me.” The words were said and after allowing them to settle a while, I finally told him “I love you” and without hesitation he said “I love you too”. We were both finally able to say out loud to each other what we had both known about ourselves and each other. It was a relief to be able to finally embrace completely how we felt about one another and move forward. And move forward we did, rapidly…
He told me that Darryl was the one, that he would join the church, and that it was right for me to be with him. He told me exactly what I needed to hear and I knew my life had changed that day. I knew I had found The One, or more he had been brought to me by divine hands. That was when the guilt came in. I knew I didn’t deserve anything so special as this gift I was being given. I had become completely inactive in the church. I had broken my baptismal covenants and had not been behaving in a fashion worthy of any blessings from God, but here I was being blessed with the most special man I could have ever imagined (even make a checklist for). I wanted to be better and I knew I was incapable of doing that alone. I knew I needed a friend and support to get through going back to church and becoming active again. I knew that going back was going to take bravery I lacked at that time in my life. I was scared and starving for that part of my life to be returned to me, or rather for me to return to it. Darryl was meant to be that friend and support.
I stayed out in Darryl’s car during his hypnosis and after he was done, we decided to go to Red Lobster for lunch. That was our first official date as LaNae and Darryl the couple instead of LaNae and Darryl the friends (that totally wanted to be more than friends). I already knew inside that Darryl loved me. One night we had decided to go to Stockman’s and hang out simply so we didn’t have to say goodnight yet and as we sat across from each other I saw it happen. I saw something in his eyes change, a spark lit up and I knew in that moment that he had realized that he was in love with me. I didn’t want it yet. I didn’t want us to go there yet. I was scared and hadn’t yet been given the go ahead from God on the whole dating someone matter. Up to then, we were still in hanging out and flirting mode. We were best friends with potential and I was scared of moving too fast in any direction. But that moment came and I knew that whether or not I reciprocated or not, Darryl loved me, Darryl was in love with me. And deep down, I knew I was falling in love with him too, but I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to be in love with anyone for a long time, but here we both were, sitting across from one another, falling in love recklessly.
By the time we got back to Darryl’s place after leaving Reno, I knew I loved him. Scratch that, I knew I was in love with him. I knew that there was no one else out there for me and that every day I woke up happy because I knew he was out there in the world and I would get to see him and be close to him. I had butterflies any time he crossed my mind or I laid eyes on him. I was smitten and taken with him completely. So I had to come up with a way to say the words to him where he wouldn’t be forced to say them back if he wasn’t ready. I chose an indirect approach. We were sitting together and I said, “Darryl, you love me.” To which he responded, “And you love me.” The words were said and after allowing them to settle a while, I finally told him “I love you” and without hesitation he said “I love you too”. We were both finally able to say out loud to each other what we had both known about ourselves and each other. It was a relief to be able to finally embrace completely how we felt about one another and move forward. And move forward we did, rapidly…
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Girl Likes Boy... A Lot
Kyle was becoming a problem. I was being excessively obvious about my interest in Darryl and Kyle was trying very hard to push that away in hopes of us dating. I had gone out of my way to spend time with Kyle and all I could say was that something felt truly off about him and I already knew that he just wasn’t what I was looking for. I had no intentions of being mean or even sneaky about matters, but he was fast becoming an issue to be dealt with. Since my first conversation with Darryl, I had managed to initiate he and I hanging out. It was a shot in the dark, but I called his house one day in hopes he would answer, and he didn’t. Mandy’s boyfriend did though and Darryl caught on it was me and he asked to talk to me on his own. I about passed out with excitement when we decided on the phone that we were bored and needed something to do and should hang out that night.
I met him at his place and we left in his car. (Important note! This car was his and new! Yeah, a new car that he could afford with his REAL job in the Navy! This meant that he had the house and car covered and even at this point it was obvious that he had a Southern accent. So far, so good…) I loved the way he sat in his car when he drove, I loved the way he leaned toward my side of the car, I loved how seamless our conversations were. And although smoking is very yucky and he did smoke, he held his cigarette the exact way I had put on my checklist. Weird. How on earth would he do that when I had only met one person EVER that did that before him?
Our first stop was Stockman’s. Stockman’s is a casino with a restaurant in it that a lot of locals ate at because it was open 24 hours. It was a good place to just shoot the breeze or plan your next adventure while drinking coffee or eating deep fried death food. Darryl and I sat and ate and just talked about everything we wanted to. It was so comfortable and I almost felt like it couldn’t be real to be talking to someone who practically understood and shared every thought I had. After dinner, we decided to head off to the base and see what movies they had at the theater. The options were not great, but we decided on “Bad Boyz II”. We were obnoxious. We would joke about the storylines or the characters and at some points had people around us laughing. It was ridiculous fun.
After the movie, we both had just had so much fun and Darryl told me about how he needed to make his famous chicken enchiladas some time for me. I was in. We went back to his place and all of his roommates and I just hung out long into the night. A few days later he made those chicken enchiladas and I was sold. I followed this man around like a lost puppy and he kept his cool the whole time. In fact, it was insane how cool he played it during this phase of “us”. And the best part was that while I was following Darryl around, Kyle was right behind me. At one point Darryl gave me a shoulder rub that about had me set my head down and go to sleep at the computer desk and Kyle literally stood there talking about how great his full body massages were. I had had enough. This was getting ridiculous. Kind of creepy-funny, but mostly just creepy and stalker-ish. Up to this point I had tried to stay in the friend zone with both. But I was obviously interested in Darryl beyond that and Kyle knew it and wouldn’t back away.
I hit the end of my patience and was losing my desire to spare his feelings if he didn’t stop. I understood he had liked me first, but when it was obvious that there were feelings between Darryl and I, I just felt he needed to take the hint and not make me say anything to him that would hurt him. Thankfully the same day I was preparing to do just that, he took Darryl aside and told him it was obvious how we felt and that not to worry about him. That put Darryl’s concerns over Kyle to rest and we both felt comfortable showing affection toward each other.
The checklist:
• Career… check
• Place of his own… check
• Car… check
• Accent… check
• Is easy to talk to and be around… check
• Funny and fun to be around… check
• Good cook… big check
• Gives great massages… awesome check
• Holds cigarette right… weird check
• Makes me work for it… check
• Shows respect to his friend’s feelings… check
• Gives me butterflies when I see him… check
• Underwear?...
• NEVER EVER asks me to be or refers to me as his girlfriend EVER (so sick of that label and being rushed into it and then the L word shortly afterwards. Bleck.)… so far so good check
• Man of God?...
• Heathly upbringing so as not to have two people with issues in one package?...
• Approval from Heavenly Father?…
I met him at his place and we left in his car. (Important note! This car was his and new! Yeah, a new car that he could afford with his REAL job in the Navy! This meant that he had the house and car covered and even at this point it was obvious that he had a Southern accent. So far, so good…) I loved the way he sat in his car when he drove, I loved the way he leaned toward my side of the car, I loved how seamless our conversations were. And although smoking is very yucky and he did smoke, he held his cigarette the exact way I had put on my checklist. Weird. How on earth would he do that when I had only met one person EVER that did that before him?
Our first stop was Stockman’s. Stockman’s is a casino with a restaurant in it that a lot of locals ate at because it was open 24 hours. It was a good place to just shoot the breeze or plan your next adventure while drinking coffee or eating deep fried death food. Darryl and I sat and ate and just talked about everything we wanted to. It was so comfortable and I almost felt like it couldn’t be real to be talking to someone who practically understood and shared every thought I had. After dinner, we decided to head off to the base and see what movies they had at the theater. The options were not great, but we decided on “Bad Boyz II”. We were obnoxious. We would joke about the storylines or the characters and at some points had people around us laughing. It was ridiculous fun.
After the movie, we both had just had so much fun and Darryl told me about how he needed to make his famous chicken enchiladas some time for me. I was in. We went back to his place and all of his roommates and I just hung out long into the night. A few days later he made those chicken enchiladas and I was sold. I followed this man around like a lost puppy and he kept his cool the whole time. In fact, it was insane how cool he played it during this phase of “us”. And the best part was that while I was following Darryl around, Kyle was right behind me. At one point Darryl gave me a shoulder rub that about had me set my head down and go to sleep at the computer desk and Kyle literally stood there talking about how great his full body massages were. I had had enough. This was getting ridiculous. Kind of creepy-funny, but mostly just creepy and stalker-ish. Up to this point I had tried to stay in the friend zone with both. But I was obviously interested in Darryl beyond that and Kyle knew it and wouldn’t back away.
I hit the end of my patience and was losing my desire to spare his feelings if he didn’t stop. I understood he had liked me first, but when it was obvious that there were feelings between Darryl and I, I just felt he needed to take the hint and not make me say anything to him that would hurt him. Thankfully the same day I was preparing to do just that, he took Darryl aside and told him it was obvious how we felt and that not to worry about him. That put Darryl’s concerns over Kyle to rest and we both felt comfortable showing affection toward each other.
The checklist:
• Career… check
• Place of his own… check
• Car… check
• Accent… check
• Is easy to talk to and be around… check
• Funny and fun to be around… check
• Good cook… big check
• Gives great massages… awesome check
• Holds cigarette right… weird check
• Makes me work for it… check
• Shows respect to his friend’s feelings… check
• Gives me butterflies when I see him… check
• Underwear?...
• NEVER EVER asks me to be or refers to me as his girlfriend EVER (so sick of that label and being rushed into it and then the L word shortly afterwards. Bleck.)… so far so good check
• Man of God?...
• Heathly upbringing so as not to have two people with issues in one package?...
• Approval from Heavenly Father?…
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