Week 4 and some perspective

Well, week four is coming to a close and it has been a very inward-looking week for me. First off, I want to put down what this week's workout is and then go from there- jog 3 min., walk 1:30, jog 5, walk 2:30, jog 3, walk 1:30, jog 5
Okay, for some of you out there, this doesn't look too tough, but let me tell you something... IT IS HARD. When I first started this whole thing I thought the 1:30 minute jogging was tough and here I am jogging for 5 minutes straight! That is amazing to me and shows just how far you can come in a relatively short amount of time. But in order to do something like that, you have to be creative with what motivates you through it when you just want to collapse. I found some things that surprised me.
First on the list, I had to find music that would push and pull me through the tougher parts. After thinking back on my favorite kinds of music and what those songs made me feel, I realized that I needed to listen to Lincoln Park. Not some upbeat cardio-class music, but something a little more gritty and LOUD and emotional. It worked great and I was able to just go straight through that three and five and three and five minutes because of it. Then I had to think of something to get me through when I would feel tired or have a stitch in my side or ribs and I decided to do visualization. When I was begining to feel overwhelmed, I would just envision that I was actually in a pool swimming. I would move through the breast stroke and let myself feel the water and the rhythm of the stroke. I would envision the power and strength I feel when I am in that pool and then suddenly, I was feeling stronger and more able to get through that run. I was reading an article not long ago about the power of visualization and thought it was really a great idea. The writer explained that almost all Olympians use visualization before they compete. Sounded good to me and when I did it while I was running instead of before, it was very effective. Lastly, I really thought about why on earth this came to mind as something I want to do so badly. I thought about what makes me look forward to this every other day of the week that I do it and makes me want it enough to strength train in between those jogging days. Here is what I came up with:
I AM NOT PREGNANT ANYMORE. There. Okay, it is a little bit deeper, but not much. Over the last five years of my marriage (that is 65 months), I have been pregnant a total of 3 years, 2 months (or 38 months). To be more specific, I was pregnant the 9 1/2 months with M, when she was 13 months old I became pregnant with G. I did my 9 1/2 months with G and by the time she was 3 months old, I was unknowingly pregnant with E. I did my 9 1/2 months with E and she was born with a genetic condition that no one could figure out for a long time. When E was seven months old, I became pregnant with Z and did my 9 1/2 months with him while in the hospital with Elizabeth quite a few different times. So, tally it all up and you have the four months I was married that I wasn't pregnant yet, the 13 months between pregnancies with M and G, the three months between G and E, the seven months between E and Z, and the two months since Z was born that I WASN'T pregnant. Since I got married November 29th, 2003, I have been unpregnant a total of only 29 out of 65 months. That is A LOT of being pregnant for a five year old marriage and it also means that over the last five years, my body has belonged to my unborn children with everything I ate or did. Nothing I did was allowed to put strain of any kind without a feeling of "oh crap, what if that hurts the baby?", so I would just tell myself to wait it out until I wasn't pregnant anymore.
That time is NOW. I am not pregnant and for the first time in my life I won't be getting pregnant ever again. I can do things with my body for myself that are challenging and exciting without worrying about my baby's well being or getting it going just to have it undone once I am pregnant again. So, doesn't it make sense to start my unpregnant chapter with a BANG and run a 5k? It does to me. It makes A TON of sense to prove to myself that I can do something good without it involving being an incubator to a beautiful baby. I need to feel good about my body and be a good example to my babies on exercise and healthy eating. So here I am, finding anything motivational and exciting to push me through the tough spots because this means so much more to me than a run, it means the beginning of my belonging to me and me alone. A wife and friend, a mother of four of the most wonderful children in the world, and a LaNae that can do anything she sets her mind to. That is what a 5k means to me.