New Life

Here is the ultrasound of our new baby! The nurse practioner performed the ultrasound for me because my doctor was in a delivery (The Nerve! LOL) and she just kept saying "how cute, how beautiful" and she even said, "don't let anyone tell you that isn't a baby". I watched my precious baby move it's arms and legs and wiggle and I even watched it's little heart beating. It was wonderful. Also, the baby measured out to be exactly to the day as far along as we thought. Good baby lol. We are due Feb. 17th, 2009.

The Same You Came With, You Leave With

The trip to UCLA children's hospital ended up doing us very little good outside of ruling OUT a ton of things. They ran tons of tests and came out with nothing to show for it. They did however find that she eats way to little and decided to insert a feeding tube through her nose and it was awful but needed. So at the end of the week that we stayed there, I left with the same answers I came with and an NG tube in E's nose. They set up a visiting nurse for her and I was finally able to get her a pediatrician out in town to start following her progress through. The NG has not been going well for us and they have her eating a significantly large amount through it. She is throwing up and crying all the time. So, when the tube came out last night, I didn't seek out to have it put back and instead went and saw her new pediatrician. I think he is going to find the best way to get her healthy. He showed me today her growth curve and it looked pretty stuck in the same place on the length and weight combined, but once I saw the weight alone, it was very bad. She literally has dropped to almost -10% and it has been a steady drop for quite some time. What is so frustrating is that as soon as we left the hospital and she was no longer on the i.v. fluids, her weight dropped right back down to where it had been when we arrived. So, I am just lost. They say they can't find anything wrong with her and I see a baby that refuses to nourish herself so severely that she is just not growing or developing like she should. I know that it is a little confusing for people because when they see her they think she looks great- for a six month old maybe. But then I tell them her age and that changes real quick. AHHH!!! I just want to pull my hair out. I either want answers or for her to just improve and to put this all behind us. The pictures are of her at the hospital when they were running an EEG and just with her tube in. Take care...

When a Father Faces Justice

My biological father has been arrested and extradited to my home town. He abandoned me by the age of 6 months old and never sent a single cent in my name. By the time the authorities pulled him over (while driving drunk, without a lincense, and with weed on his person), he owed $32,000 in my name alone. That is 18 uninterupted years of neglect and evading the authorities. At the time, my sister and I had already made arrangements to take in our 15 year old sister from our father because he was trying to save up enough money to go turn himself in to the authorities for this exact thing. He was living in a tent in his stepdaughter's back yard and letting his three kids just sort of stay where someone would take them in. It was bad enough for Brittney and I to step in and be the big sisters we know all-to-well how to be and get at least one of the children in a stable environment. We still have a sister over there, but she seems to be happy with her mother in a way that the one we took in can't be.
Up until this whole ordeal I was never given the truth about basically any part of their lives with my father. But I was the one to fly my sister in and drive her the 6 hours to Brittney's house so I got to hear everything. It was a hard experience for me and it unleashed some of the nastiest skeletons that existed in my own closet. It was a Pandora's Box sitting and talking with this sister just hearing about her life and the things she experienced and witnessed on a normal basis. It was just a very difficult thing to have to face.
Tomorrow is his arraignment. Tomorrow my aunt and grandmother are going to sit in the same room as him and watch him make his plea. It will be intense because my uncle who is my father's brother will also be there and it will be high tensions going around from all angles. It is not at all the kind of family reunion that anyone wishes for. The only redeeming factor involved for me is that I won't have to be there and I know my mother won't be there either. I don't want her to have to see him if she isn't ready. There are a lot of things that passed between them to have gotten married, had a baby, and divorced. I just want her protected in all this mess too because he is just not right in the head or the person she knew 25 years ago. How do you make sense of all this? I guess no one has an answer to that one...

E Update

We finally took E in to the gastro specialist yesterday and it was such a deep relief for me. Not because we got great news or were told she is fine, but because the opposite happened. I have been worrying myself to death since she was born because I could see something wasn't right with her health. She started getting smaller and smaller and not gaining the weight we knew she should and when we tried to feed her baby food, she got even worse. Her reflux is back and she can't eat baby food without it coming back up or making her sick the whole rest of the night. So yesterday I was finally able to sit down with a specialist and get her looked at and her history sorted through with her doctor. The first thing he said is that she is a failure to thrive baby and is significantly small for her age and that something is wrong. After discussing everything I told him, he has decided that there is something more than just a baby who needs to eat more going on and he will be admitting her into UCLA for three, maybe more, days to run tests. He had a lot of blood drawn to start searching through that way also. Within the next two weeks, we will be finally going toward the bottom of this. I mean, just yesterday when they weighed her, she only weighed in at 13 lbs. 2.5 oz. and she is 8 months old. I am so looking forward to getting answers or a diagnoses that will help us in getting her healthy. I have also noticed that she physically can't sit up. The only way she sits up is in your lap because she seems to have weakness in her back that even the doctor didn't like seeing. He is going to have a neurologist check her out during our hospital stay to see. I am admittedly scared but I know that whatever they find, the Lord already addressed it's existence and blessed her to heal from it. This will all work out because God is involved and I have faith in that completely. He will watch over her and guide her doctors. Please send your prayers E's way.

Comparison Time!

Okay, these pictures are of when I started my weight loss journey and now. I have lost 20 POUNDS! Of course, my next blog will make that quite ironic. Stay tuned......

Roller Coaster Life

Life is such a massive roller coaster. Lately there seems to be such an amazing amount of stressers going on. E is not gaining even close to enough weight and I am about to march into the clinic tomorrow and start negotiating to get her specialized care. She has put on all of 5 ounces in an entire month, won't eat baby food or rice cereal yet, and always has dark circles under her little eyes. What has me so upset is the obvious lack of alarms going off with my doctors here. When we had her weighed in not very long ago, they weighed her in at 10 lbs, 13 oz down from 11 lbs, 7 oz. only two weeks earlier. And you know what we got? "Give her rice cereal and baby food." Tah Dah. I honestly believe that when you have a 6 month old baby come into your office weighing massive ounces less than two weeks earlier, you should have them admitted and tests run. If not that much, at least put in the referral for a freaking specialist in pediatric GI. Something is wrong here and no one but me seems to be catching on to that here. Aside from getting her to a specialist, I am going to take the steps in getting her permanently moved to a civilian pediatrician. I need her seen by a doctor that deals solely with babies and children and can focus more closely on E. It is just such a frustration for me as her mother. All I want is for her to be healthy and well taken care of.
M's speech testing has rapped up and we received the results yesterday. She has a speech disability in her expressions. So, we will go in on Wednesday to sit down with the tester and she will walk through the results with us and explain what we need to do next to help M. I feel like I did the right thing taking her in for the testing even though no one told me to or said anything. I just noticed certain things about her communication and comprehension skills that seemed not at the same level as other children her age. Luckily, we found where the break down is and can start her on speech therapy and might even be able to get an IEP for her when she starts preschool. Just maybe we will be able to get her in with Head Start because of the results. If not, we will still be able to start nice and early with intervention and therapy.
G is talking finally! We have got her saying please, thank you, welcome, baby, dada, mama, bye bye, I love, and Mel for M. It is awesome because she waited about six months longer than Melody to start talking. Of course G was walking months before M had at her age, so I guess it all evens out. She is just such a joy and we just love them all so much. Even in my most miserable state, I can still see so much to be happy and grateful because of D and the girls.
Speaking of miserable state, I had myself a darn good meltdown. I think that life kind of builds up on me without my noticing and the next thing I know, I am a disaster. I started crying and I didn't know exactly why, but I couldn't make it stop either. Almost like I had to decompress. Oh well, that is life. Tomorrow is my third weigh-in since we started Weight Watchers and I am quite nervous. My mono has caught up with me big time and I took an entire week off of exercising to recover my energy stores. So, I know my results will be poopy compared to the first week when I was working out like a crazy person. On the other hand, D is rocking the weight loss. He was at 10 pounds lost after his last weigh in, so YAY! I can honestly say that I am not disappointed in myself compared to him, I am just excited for him.
All in all, things really are going well. I had my first Mary Kay party and did really well considering it was my very first time. The girls are wonderful and deeply loved and D and I are very happy. There are challenges lurking, but I know we can take them on no problem if our faith is plugged in. Until next time...

WOO HOO!

So, today was my weigh-in day for Weight Watchers. I was grumpy and thinking there was no way after everything I have tried that this would be THE ONE. But, I sucked up my impending doom and got out the scale that is in a very special hiding place that doesn't allow temptation. (Which is by-the-way hidden in the top of my closet.) Now, let me say, I have been swimming every fricken day for an hour at a time and all I had accomplished was a stupid 4 pounds in a long month. This had made me very leary of that evil and disappointing scale, but I was brave and got it out. Okay, drumroll please...... I lost 6 POUNDS since I started this last Wednesday. That is 6 pounds in 6 days just from changing my awful eating habits. I had no idea just how toxic my eating was until I stopped eating that way and started the Weight Watchers. I know that a pound a day is not typical weight loss, but I think it happened that way this last week because I started drinking tons of water so I stopped retaining fluids. I have been eating tons of fruits and vegetables too, which is quick and easy on the body to digest and burn. The only meat I have really eaten has been ground turkey and yummy shrimp. I just am loving finally having real results like I have been dying to enjoy since I started this whole weight loss challenge. I can eat anything I want, but it all counts for points depending on calories, fat grams, and dietary fiber grams and you are only allowed so many points in a day. So, I can throw away all my points on one meal of indulgence or I can eat smart and be full all day and still have points left over at the end. Even better, I am allowed so many indulgence points in a week so I can have a nice dinner out with D if I want and not have to feel guilty about it. Or we can go to the movies and have a soda or candy. I just love it. It is something that has actually worked for me and not left me desperate for my old faves. Even D has lost 7 pounds in the last six days. That is AMAZING!
On another happy note, I have been timing my 500 breaststroke since I started swimming a few weeks ago. Before I started, I asked D what the Navy requires to be passing for a 500 and he told me 12 minutes, 50 seconds. So I did my first 500 that day and came out at 12 minutes, 20 seconds. I was stoked! That was after 8 YEARS of no swimming and I was able to just do it that fast. So, I have been working on that often and a week later, I was able to do that 500 in 12 minutes flat. Again, I was stoked. Now today, at about three weeks from the first time I did it in 11 minutes, 45 seconds. That means I have shaved 35 seconds in the space of three weeks all by myself. That is huge for me to be able to show for my fitness level like that. How exciting! Well, I just wanted to document my progress and maybe send out hope to anyone else struggling like I did for so many years. I know I was pregnant almost all of it, but I am officially at my pre-pregnancy weight for my last two babies right now and it feels great! Now I am going to work to be in the 150's for the first time in almost four years! Only 3 pounds to go and I will be there! Wow. It just feels good to be here.